


The Great Gelatin Wrestling Contest

by Kellygirl



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-03
Updated: 2007-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:09:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellygirl/pseuds/Kellygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mal's plan backfires as so many of them do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Gelatin Wrestling Contest

**Author's Note:**

> This idea started in chat one night because somehow we always end up talking about Mal and the crew. And Michael Shanks but he’s for another day. Thanks to the chatty peeps for the hilarious chats. Also big thanks to Liss for the beta.

It started as most things usually do, in a bar, with Mal drinking. The rest of the crew, except for Shepherd Book and River, were there. Zoe and Wash sat at the far end of the rickety wooden table, whispering and smiling over something. Kaylee was looking around, bright eyed and curious. Inara was sipping some type of dark, expensive looking liquid, and Mal was still surprised that she’d accepted his invite to come drinkin’ with them. Simon was wiping the rim of his glass off, while Jayne was on his fourth or fifth drink.

Mal took a gulp of his drink and pointed a finger at Simon. “Since you’re all smart and stuff, how about comin’ up with some more robberies for us? It don’t have to be hospitals. It can be banks or private homes. You need to earn your keep, Doc.” Mal smirked and put his drink down, ready to be entertained by Simon.

Simon didn’t disappoint. He put his glass down and frowned at Mal. “I’ll have you know, I earn my keep plenty! If it weren’t for me you’d be a scarred, grouchy hundan with one ear. Oh, wait, I can’t cure ‘grouchy.’ It appears to be part of your natural charm.” He spread his arms, nearly swatting Wash in the head. “What do you want me to do, find a job in here?”

Mal rolled his eyes right before a poster announcing the weekly gelatin wrestling competition caught his eye. First prize was two hundred credits. He tapped a button on the table until a blinking screen appeared and showed him how to sign up. Mal chuckled as he entered Simon’s name. Inara leaned closer and looked at the screen.

“Mal, what did you just do?”

Mal signaled the waitress for another drink. “Doc’s goin’ to be in the contest. Should be fun.” He was so busy laughing at Simon’s stuttered protests that he didn’t see Inara type in a few letters until it was too late. He narrowed his eyes at her while she just smiled and looked at Kaylee and Zoe. He watched as they caught on and had Jayne and Wash signed up quicker than Mal could get out a warning. Crazy womenfolk, he thought silently. Next time it’ll be just us men, conveniently forgetting he’d started the whole thing.

Five minutes later he stood in a pool of warm purple gelatin along with Simon, a swaying Jayne and a nervous Wash. There were six other men in the ring with them, and Mal wondered why no women were in the contest. A bell sounded and Mal quickly learned that no shirts were better. It left fewer things to get grabbed by and thrown down into the sticky sweet mess. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jayne fling some hapless man out into the crowd.

Mal was suddenly busy taking down one guy who seemed intent on pushing Mal’s face into the grape-flavored mat. Mal quickly sent his opponent over the rim of the pool, laughing at the pieces of gelatin that flew out into the crowd. Next guy, he’d make sure he threw out somewhere near Inara, damn woman.

A muffled sound drew Mal’s attention and he saw a man straddling Simon, and trying to cram some of the jellied mess into the Doc’s mouth. Mal took offense at that and waded over. One quick squeeze around the neck and the guy left Simon alone. Mal’s eyes met Simon’s and together they heaved the man out of the ring. Jayne was near a corner looking puzzled. Mal rolled his eyes as Jayne shoveled in a mouthful of the disgusting slimy gelatin. That man was too drunk to live sometimes.

The match continued until Wash and Jayne managed to heave the last man, besides the four crewmembers, out of the ring. Out of the corner of his eye, Mal saw Inara cheering and exchanging money with Zoe. He studied Jayne, Wash and Simon. The two hundred credits wouldn’t be won until there was only one man left in the ring. Mal tried to sneak up on Wash though it was hard to do in the sticky mess.

Mal got a hand around Wash’s waist and who knew the pilot was that heavy? And had a bellow that could deafen everyone in the place? Jayne laughed and helped him haul Wash out of the ring. While Jayne was busy laughing, Mal quickly kicked him in the backside and watched with satisfaction as Jayne hurtled harmlessly into a front row table. There was movement behind him and Mal turned just in time to avoid Simon’s hands. They grappled before slipping and falling into the murky gluey blend.

The crowd was going wild, cheering and stomping their feet. Mal tried not to laugh but Simon looked oddly cute with the grape like dessert dripping from his hair, not to mention his purple colored chest. Mal squeezed one of Simon’s nipples and hooted when Simon yelled. Seconds later, Mal was trying not to choke from the handful of gooey sweetness that Simon crammed in his mouth. Simon pushed him towards the edge of the pool, and Mal tried desperately to pull away, but the Doc was stronger than he looked.

Mal’s bare feet slipped and in a split second, he saw a way to win. His body was falling and he grabbed Simon’s shoulders and pulled him down too. He wasn’t expecting one last push from Simon that ended with both of them falling out of the ring of liquid. The crowd was silent for a moment before the yelling and arguing started. Who had won? Were they both disqualified? Did they both win?

The yelling got louder as Mal stood and helped Simon stand. They’d managed to keep their pants but they were ruined and now fit for nothing but the trash bin. He spotted Jayne with a woman on his lap, who was giggling and wiping his face. Wash was seated next to Zoe and the look he sent Mal had him remembering that the pilot was married to Zoe. Mal might want to look out for booby traps in the next few days.

Inara shook her head and handed him and Simon a drink. The manager came out and after a quick discussion with the bartender, declared them both winners and split the two hundred credits between them. He then offered everyone a free drink and that helped dispel the angry customers. Mal was tempted to argue that they both should get two hundred a piece, but he was really sticky and a little drunk.

Inara was smiling, no Mal thought, smirking at him. “It seems wrestling is right up there with your sword fighting skills. Who knew?”

Mal moved closer then hugged her before she could dodge him. She gave a very unladylike squeak and tried to push him away. He hugged her harder and gave her a wet kiss on her cheek before letting her go. Her elegant gold and blue gown now sported splotches of purple. Mal laughed until a foot kicked him in his thigh. It almost knocked him over. Inara glared at him and then looked back down at her clothes.

“You’re lucky I didn’t kick you where I wanted to, Malcolm Reynolds. You’re going to pay for the cleaning of this dress.”

Mal slung an arm over her shoulders and led her out of the club. Zoe, Wash and the others followed behind them. He could hear Kaylee exclaiming over both Jayne and Simon.

“Well, in that case, Miss Inara, I think I ought to be allowed to wear the dress. I think it might go well with my new complexion.”

Inara laughed and sent him a flirty look that cut through the fog in his brain. Mal’s heart sped up. That look did not look practiced and companiony at all. And if it was, it didn’t matter. It was for him.

“That could be arranged, Mr. Reynolds. Why don’t you come to my shuttle? I have something that should get that purple off of you without multiple scrubbings.”

Mal grinned and tried to walk faster. He had some money he didn’t have before; he’d gotten to fight some without getting shot or thrown in jail. Now he had a slight promise of something more from Inara. Life was looking pretty good on this fine night. Now if only he could think of some good ‘purple-belly’ jokes to rile Simon with, his life would be shiny.

The End.


End file.
